Because not all hearts are the same. :-)

Yeah.

I guess I've been depressed.

Or 'emo', as you all call it, in my latest posts.

And heck, I'm tired of it too.

So here's to all those people who said that I should be posting happy stuff up here.

And to those who know about the hidden messages:

This ain't one of them posts that has 'em. ;-)

Truth be told,

I'm not as sad as I seem to be.

It's just that:

My blog is sort of where I let all those emotions flow out.

And just rant.

And rant.

And rant.

And well, you get the point.

Heck.

I'm happy.

I truly am.

I'm starting to think that my life is beautiful.

That it's worth living for.

That it's worth struggling through those endless battles for.

And I'm pretty sure I haven't gone crazy.

Yet.

Anyways,

I wanna say thanks to that special someone.

For everything you ever did.

For everything you ever said.

For everything you are to me.

Thank you so much. ;-)

I love you.

Letting go

I really don't know what to do right now.

Or what to say.

I don't think I need to explain anymore.

'Cause explaining just leads to more questions.

And more scars.

I gave my best.

I tried my hardest.

But I guess my best just ain't the best.

Please.

Don' trust me.

Don't put too much hope in me.

Seriously.

Everything that has gone wrong is my fault.

I don't wanna let you all down.

Maybe I should just let go to save you all.

There I was again tonight

Forcing laughter faking smiles

Same old tired lonely place

Sometimes

Sometimes,

I just wanna say;

That I'm already in pieces,

That I'm not okay.

Sometimes,

I just wanna hide;

Better to keep others out of my world,

Than to invite them in and lie.

Sometimes,

I just wanna run away,

From all the madness,

From all the pain;

Back to the times when I was little,

And everything was beautiful,

When life was less bitter,

And fate was less cruel.

Sometimes,

I just wanna pretend;

That I never knew all the things I know,

That I never saw all the things I've seen;

That all those things that I've heard were lies,

That I was numb to everything and nothing can hurt me.

Don't get me wrong.

I don't wanna be a faker.

But I guess it's just inevitable.

Blind

Sometimes, it's just easier to pretend that you didn't see what you just did.

To just fake a smile and act like everything normal.

But, isn't it sad that one single word is all that it takes to bring you down?

I don't wanna be so easily controlled.

Believe me, I don't.

Sometimes, words can hurt. A LOT.

Fake

I'm so happy recently.
I think I'm gonna go over to a corner.
I have no idea why though.
And cry till my eyeballs drop out.
Maybe it's the holidays?
And lose so much water that I don't have to worry about going overweight.

I'm HAPPY

I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.
I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY. I'm HAPPY.

I was lying.

Mood Swings

My life is kinda hectic nowadays. Especially with all those who-knows-when-they-popped-out-activities. To think that some people are actually complaining about being bored. @_@ Potato. Seriously, get yourself a job, go to a camp, watch 16 hours of back-to-back soap opera, whatever, I don't care, just stop complaining that you're bored on Facebook. Or else I think I'm gonna smash my laptop screen.

Anyways, as you can in the title, I'm having mood swings. So, I'm here to apologise. I know that I have a really bad temper that I can't really control. But look, I'm trying, 'kay? I'm trying not to get mad easily. I'm trying not to want to yell at people. I'm trying to be more optimistic. But sometimes, I just lose control of my brain when everything's so potato-ed up. Well, what else can I do but to say sorry? So... forgive me? :)

*Note: The word 'potato' has been used to replace all of the profanities in this post. Just trying to make the world a better place. ;-)

Thoughts

Alone. Alone again. I hate the feeling of being alone. Who doesn't, right? It's like everyone else around you either has something to do or they have other friends to talk to and you feel to ashamed to butt in. It's like the whole world is spinning around, moving at their own pace, changing, improving; but yet you stand there, staring into that empty space, your eyes somehow lifeless. You feel nothing at all.

School. I have no idea why I'm even going to that place where people are supposed to learn things. Now that PMR's all over and everybody's supposed to be all 'Yay! It's finally over!!' and stuff but I suppose all those 'Well, I guess we'll just do that after PMR.' 'contributed' to all of those things we have to face right now. And well, going to school seems more like a chore than ever. Like I said, I don't know why I'm going to school every day. Activities maybe? Well, duties then? Or perhaps friends? No, no and no. I go to school just to fill up my empty schedule. To make myself believe that I am still alive. That life is still worth living. That none of the lines from Shakespeare's Life's Brief Candle is true. Still, I seriously doubt that.

I guess to those who see me around in school, it all makes sense now. Why I'm always seen running around, perspiring like a person who's mad enough to run laps at noon. Why I keep myself occupied with those activities that I think will drive me crazy one day. Why I have to care so much about everything and anything that's considered a part of my life - even if it's just a tiny part of it. Why I can't just let go of everything I'm holding onto right now and run free. Free. Somehow, that word touches my soul. It makes me smile. It clears my mind. And just for a moment, I can fool myself that my life is quite pleasant after all.

Some people are actually envious of me. Being able to keep myself busy while they're so bored they're growing mushrooms but seriously dude, you won't think that way if you're me. It's like, you're forced to occupy yourself with those duties and stuff. Just so you won't feel so alone in class. Well, let me tell you, it ain't such a good feeling. In fact, it really sucks. And I hope none of you will ever, ever have the need to do what I'm doing now. It's pathetic. And I'm seriously ashamed of myself.

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,

One BIG question,

How the potato am I supposed to make that lemonade

without the appropriate tools?

Tell Me.

Sometimes I wish that I was an angel

A fallen angel who visits your dreams

And in those dreams I'd blow you a message

that says y

ou really want me

Sometimes I wish that I was a wrestler

A Mexican wrestler in a red vinyl mask

And I might grab you, body slam you,

and maybe cause

physical harm

But when we would land

I might take pity on you

I can crack all your ribs

But I can't break your heart

You will never love me

And this I can't forgive

And it will always bug me

As long as I will live

You will never love me

Why should I even care

It's not that you're so special

You're just the cross I bear

You will never love me

Tell me.

Why should I keep loving you

When you will never love me back?

I'd like to believe that you are talking about me.

That you are telling the truth.

But I know that I'm just fooling myself.

What else can I do?

Bittersweet

I'm giving up the ghost of love

In the shadows cast on devotion

She is the one that I adore

Creed of my silent suffocation

I won't give up

I'm possessed by her

I'm bearing a cross

She's turned into my curse

Break this bittersweet spell on me

Lost in the arms of destiny

Bittersweet...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I know, I'm a freak.

P.S. This song is not suitable for those who can't accept goth music.

Apocalyptica rules!!!!!

With You

It's like electric's running through my veins

My heart does somersaults whenever I see your name

I think I'm going insane

My mind is full of memories of you and me

Erase your name just to write it all over again

Those dreams you starred in just won't go away

'Cause I've never felt this way

Never been okay

And I've never thought I'd say

Love you and mean it

But with you

With you

Everything is upside down when I'm with you

Oh you

With you

I smile or giggle at everything you said

Replay those conversations in my head everyday

Your every move catches my gaze

Try to glimpse at you through the corner of my eye

I'm telling the truth but you said that it's a lie

But anyways, I'll keep on trying

If I could stop time and space just to stare at you

I think I'll never want to take my eyes off of you

'Cause you're the only one who's got a grip of my heart

Please stay the same

We'll never ever part

Well, I don't know what in the world is wrong with me but I got this as a result of studying Sejarah. Weird ehh? I'm sorry, Yining, pia-ing doesn't work for me. T.T

I'm scared. Pathetic. But still scared.

Looking at that person staring right back at me

I really wonder if I'm really who I think I am

Or who other people think I am

Cause it's really funny how even I don't know myself

So, how can I be myself?

How can I trust myself??

I'm scared.

Pathetic.

But still scared.

Scared that I will mess things up.

And will never be able to put those pieces back together again.

I really wanna just dash out and grab your hand

But I wouldn't wanna startle you

I really wanna just tell you the truth

But I don't wanna ruin your life

I really wanna let you feel how you make me feel

But I wouldn't wanna force you to

I don't think I deserve you at all

Not even as a friend

You're just so out of my world

Out of my reach

And already almost out of my sight

I don't wanna mess you up.

I don't wanna make you feel as if you've done something wrong.

I don't wanna change anything.

I just wanna stay the way we are now.

I just wanna get to know you.

That's all I'm asking for.

Please.

=)

'Cause you'll never know how bad it feels

I can barely live a day without you

Don't know what I'd do

All I can is think about you

Cause you'll never know how bad it feels

You're the only thing that I'm addicted to

And if this is real

Well, baby I'm such a fool

To know how bad it feels

Yeah.

It's been quite some time since I've written a song.

And heck, I thought my talent was all used up.

But, who knew.

BTW, don't ask me why the lyrics are so sad.

Because it just came out that way.

I wish you knew how bad it feels.

You'll never see the way the corner of my lips goes up

Every time the thought that you'll never know that it's you I'm talking about

That it's you I'm always thinking about

Comes across my mind

Just to hide the fact that my tears are almost bursting out the edge of my eyes

That my lips are trembling

It's okay.

Knowing that you're happy makes me happy too.

Controlling people?? Me????

I know that I can't get everything under control.

To be honest, I'm already losing my grip.

Just a slight weakening of the muscles and it's the end for me.

With you guys, I have to be strict.

I have to put on a straight face all the time.

I don't want you all to take me as a joke.

And I don't give a damn if you wanna go and oh-so-childishly boycott me.

With you guys, I have to be friendly.

I have to wear a smile on my lips.

Sort of, 'ordering' you guys by still using a warm tone.

But sometimes, I still can't get you all to do the things I want you all to do.

With you guys, I have to act like I don't care.

And try to cover for you guys when you were having forty winks in class.

But, I still don't get why I'm always the last one to know something.

With you guys, I have to be superwoman.

Going solo probably 24/7.

With you guys, I have to be happy.

'Cause I don't wanna ruin your mood.

With you, I have to ignore the way your eyes shine.

Trying my best to stop the door of my memories from opening.

With you, I have to be optimistic.

'She doesn't know how to control her own pressure.' someone said.

Yeah. But is it really my duty to cheer you up every time you have one of your mood swings?

But with you, I just have to be myself.

You shine.

Even brighter than the Sun.

Always so rife with energy.

You make me so happy, just by being yourself.

Thank you. =)

Confused

How can it be wrong to do something you love doing?

How can you ask me to ignore those feelings that bundles up in my heart??

How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

I don't get it.

So what if you think that I'm better at academics?

Like that changes anything.

I don't wanna become a dentist. -No offence for those who actually do-

Why can't you accept the fact that I don't wanna be who you want me to be?

Yes, I know, money makes the world go round and all but...

Isn't happiness important as well??

I don't wanna die rich but miserable.

You didn't even give me a chance to explain.

You just questioned everything that I believed in.

Do you feel happy?

Shattering other people's dreams??

I don't need your blessings.

Just quit stopping me from believing.

The moment when your heart pumps blood through your blood vessels faster than a roller coaster cart, when you feel like there's a light shining through you, when you see your own reflection in the eyes of others... That's the moment I'm waiting for.

Water flooded over my head
As I released the tension entangled with my veins
As I slowly let the picture of you in my head fade away
As I closed my eyes and let my tears mix away with the seawater
Silently, I let the water took control of me
Drown me with all those depression and despair I carry inside

I tried my best to smile
As I let my imagination run wild
What if you did as I wished?
What if you had looked out for me?
What if you...
What if you realised that I can't be everything you want me to be?
That something's not right whenever you're not by my side?
That I'm sending out the signs but you're not receiving them?

But then, I know better
I know that all that I wished will happen will never happen
I know that you are untouchable, unreachable...
I know that that's everything you'll never ever see...

I'm just the messed-up part of your life
Just clinging to the memory of you

Why am I still hanging onto our memory
when I know you'd already moved on?

Nothing Can Describe

Nothing can describe the feeling that tugs at my heart
When your MSN icon turns green and yet we're not having a conversation.
When I stare at the phone for hours and yet there's no sign of your reply.
When I type sentences and yet all I get from you is an 'LOL'.
When I look at you and yet you're looking away.
When my eyes come across yours and see that they twinkle so brightly as you stare at her.
When I pick up the phone, wishing that it's you and yet it's not.
When I look back at all my songs and realize that they're all for you.
When I reread my diary and find that you left your name all over it.
When I finally gain enough courage to talk to you but then you went offline.
When I open my mouth to talk to you just to see you teasing her.
When I made a feeble lie and yet you believed me.

Should I feel happy that you trust me?
Or should I be sad because you can't see through my lies the way you used to?

I don't know what I should do.
And my heart's not telling me what to do.
I really, really, really wanna do something.
Even if I'm just a useless piece of crap.
I know you will never, ever, ever see this.
But, I just wanna say that
Every single song I wrote, I wrote it for you
Every single diary page I wasted, I wasted it for you
Every single peep I took as you walked away, I took it for you...

Maybe I'm just selfish.
I don't wanna let go of your so-called 'love' towards me.
Maybe I'm just a coward.
I dare not let go of you because I don't know what I would be without you.
I dare not lift my head up because I know that I would see you walking away from me.
I dare not look into your eyes because I know that I would see someone else inside them.
I dare not talk to you because I know that I would get hurt.
I dare not bump into you because I know that it is not me that you'd want to bump into.

I'm so damn useless.

I really am tired of pretending.
Pretending that I don't care about anything when that tiny little voice in my head - which by the way, is the coolest song ever - is probably screaming at the top of its lungs for me to stop.
Why do we have to pretend?
Pretending that we like something even though we hate it just to get into a conversation with someone so-called 'popular'.
I don't get it.
One moment you said something, the next you take it back.
One minute you said you'll do that, the next you do something the opposite.
That just complicates things.

29.May.2010: Choral Workshop

Before I bore you guys with my totally emotional and somehow senseless posts, here's a post which will be - for the first time ever - quite happy. (Emphasis on 'quite' , I didn't say 'all the way through').

So, MGS and our school's choir are gonna hold a choral performance tomorrow. And there's gonna be a choir from NUSS, which is a university in Singapore. Therefore, there was a workshop at our school hall just now from 2-5.30pm.

After running through a few songs, the Singaporeans arrived. And all we could see was people. Not only people, but old people. Bear in mind that all of us thought it was gonna be people of almost 20-year-or-so. Like, it's a university. Whatever. This proofs that the famous saying '活到老, 学到老' is actually true.

NUSS' choir's conductor was awesome. Not only was he the only one who's younger, looks younger, the tallest, conducts -duh-, but he could play the piano pretty good and sing as well. Not to mention that the finale song 'Wherever You Are' was actually written by him. =D And the way he conducts, oh man, you guys should have really, really seen it!!!! It's like totally different and yet we could all get what he meant. WEIRD.

Actually, the weirdest thing was that Li Fei said that Ming Ching, who's voice is way more girlish than mine, looked 'shuai'. Chew Ying even agreed. Oh gosh. I can't believe this. O.O

Chew Ying, as usual, was pretty down due to some 'choir issues' again. When I say 'choir issues', I'm referring to the fact that she thinks she's not good enough to be the conductor. Seriously, I don't get it. Why the heck do people who are great think that they suck??!! After being convinced quite a few times by me, she cheered up by about 1%.

The teacher told us suddenly that we had to perform 2 extra songs!!!!!! And tomorrow's the concert!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah. I believe we're Gods alright. Pulling up 2 songs with half an hour of practice today and another hour tomorrow. Great. And guess what. We got scolded because we were practicing for the 2 songs. Haha. (Sarcastic laugh, not an actual one)

It was quite fun actually. I like the feeling of having tenors and basses in the choir. I like getting to tease Ming Ching because of her girlish voice. I like the feeling of getting to lecture Chew Ying when she was emotional. Yeah. I know I'm evil. =)

I'm sorry for everything I've done.
For what I haven't done.
I know that being sorry doesn't help the situation.
But still...
I really don't know what to do.
I don't know what I should do.

I'm sorry for being totally useless.
For being 'idea-less'.
My mind just doesn't function like you guys' do.
It goes blank.
Adrenaline will jolt through its veins.
But still....
Nothing happens.
It's like the nerve connecting to it is missing.

I'm sorry for being socially inactive.
For having zero social skills.
For blurting things that are both pointless and ineffective at the same time.

I'm messed up.
And I don't know how to fix it.

Freak

I have no idea what I was doing.
This is ridiculous.
Look at what I've done.
How I messed up.
Seriously, I don't think I can fix it anymore.

The Worst Person Ever

*WOOTS*

Okay. A lot of you might be saying (in your head):
What the heck?! I thought she was emo?!'
But apparently, the change in the time-table just made my day!!
I'm finally gonna say buh-bye to that damn PJ teacher.
And I suppose I'll never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
See her again.
Since she is never at her desk. =P



Okay. This is lame of me to publish a post just to say that I'm finally free of her.
But then.....
I really despise her.

I have been pretty emo lately.
Or perhaps I should say 'standoffish', which in this case means reluctant to associate with others.
I understand that I might have offended you.
I admit it.
I truly do.
I have to say that I can't help to despond.
In everything.
Things are just so bleak and deplorable right now.
Figuratively, I am being engulfed up by lament.
I was impulsive.
I don't have the knack for handling ghastly situations like this.
I apologise for being obnoxious for the past few hours.
Maybe I would have been notorious for being offensive if I had gone on.
It's just that people are expecting me to escape from predicaments posthaste.
They seem to think that I am rife of energy.
But I am 100% human.
I am rickety already.
I will scorch down in a rubble if I were to continue.
Please.
Just give me some time to recuperate.
To invigorate.
Forgive me if I scarcely speak to you.
Or if I no longer do.
I may not go back to who I was before.
I may not change.
I may not do anything positive at all.
But I really do not think of you as something trivial.
I know.
Some of you see me as unintelligible these days.
Trust me.
I do not know what I am doing right now either.

P.S. Yes. I know that there were a lot of difficult words.
I just do this when I am emo-ish.

Now a fan of Emo,
Belicia YQB

Unlucky me...

Okay..
For the second time..
I was being weirded out by a freak AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
I just can't believe that I am so 'lucky'.
The situation was almost like last time.
Just this time, it was on MSN.
I have no idea why but just now I gotta feeling,
( Yes, I know it's a song.)
To turn my MSN on since it was a long time since I last did.
And, just as I clicked on that button that changed the next few minutes of my life,
A conversation pop-up, well, popped up.
I saw something that made my jaw reach the floor...

Username: JacqulinePilkinton3073@hotmail.com

(Wait till you see this...)

PM: horny ;)

WHAT THE HECK??!!!
Which of my friends would put that pm??!!
Mei Yuan maybe?? (no offense)
But I was positive that it wasn't her as her MSN was facing problems.

Freak 2: Hey.
Me: May I know who you are?
Freak 2: :-) Yay someone to talk to!!! ~~~<3
(Is it just me, or is this person weird? )
Me: Okay...
Freak 2: I hope you want to chat with a horny girl today... ;-) How you doing?
( OMG!!! Stop talking to me!!! )
Me: Fine, thanks. How are you?
Freak 2: I'm great babe!! I'm a little busy now, just got a new laptop trying to set my cam up...
( Ugh!! BABE!!! Is she-I guess it's a 'she'-a psycho or something?? )
Me: I see.
Freak 2: I have a fetish for the camera ;) Do you have a cam?
Me: I think there's a problem with it.
( Of course I had to lie. Would you? )
Freak 2: If you have one we can cam together or if not you can just watch me online ;)
Freak 2: I have a webcam but you're not a kid right?
( Lie. If you don't, you don't know what will happen to you. )
Me: Do I sound like one?
Freak 2: I don't think so hon, but we can get to know each other better and maybe exchange phone numbers if you're comfortable with that..
Freak 2: k.. well, I'm gonna show you ..k?
Freak 2: (types a website that I prefer not to show) go there and my video will load, just click the yellow JOIN FREE button at the top of the page, it's 100% free to join. You only need a credit card to verify that you are over 18 ;P
Freak 2: If you come watch me I'll do whatever you want me to do... fill out your info, it's free. k?

Oh. My. God!!!!
What the hell is up with me??
Why am I attracting freaks??!!
And what on earth is happening to the internet??!!
Oh crap.

Freak Magnet much?!

So, after a few proof-full incidents, I've decided that I'm a freak magnet.
YES, I ATTRACT FREAKS!!!!!!
Facebook..
A place to enjoy lame games and keep track of your friends..
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Truth is, there are lots of freaks on facebook.
Need I say, ug- wait that's such a harsh word- not so good-looking freaks?
So, Sunday(7.3.10),there's this guy bugging me-there's no need to mention names.
He's kinda weird and ug-, I mean not so good-looking.
And he keeps saying that I'm beautiful and wonderful and that he admires me.
Yeah, I was like what the heck??!!!
And that's only about half an hour after he said 'hi' to me.
Total weirdness.
And he's in college, 21 or so he says.
The next thing I know, he's asking me to go out with him.
What the f**k??!!

Me: 'But I'm only 15.'
Freak: 'Nvm d.'
Me: '....'
Me: 'My parents won't let me go out with you.' (Yeah, neither will I.)
Freak: 'Then we date on facebook.'
Me: '...'

And so, I asked Mei Yuan for advise...

Me: 'How ar??'
Mei Yuan: '1. Say no. 2. Ignore him'
Me: ' But then, isn't he pityful?' (God knows why I said that.)
Mei Yuan: 'Who cares?'

And Ming Yi...

Me: 'Wei!!How ar??'
Ming Yi: 'Tell him you're a lesbian la!!'
Me: (laughing non-stop) ' Walao eh!!!!!'

And so, I went offline immediately 'cause I was terrified of that freak.

Today(9/3/10), he sent me messages telling me that he misses me.

Freak: 'After your PMR, I date you out.'
(I'm copying his exact words, any grammatical errors are his fault.)
Me: 'I'm... Sort of....'
Freak: 'Sort of what?'
(I didn't reply him 'cause I too darn busy playing Sorority Life.)
Freak: 'What are you doing?'
Me: 'Busy-ing.'
Freak: 'When you free, chat me loh.' (Yes, chat me.)
(After an hour of Sorority Life...)
Freak: 'Tell me, you sort of what?'
Me: (sigh) 'I'm sort of..taken.'
(Yes, I lied.)
Freak: 'Taken mean kidnapper?'
(What the hell?! He doesn't know what's the meaning of taken?)
Freak: 'Izit?'
Freak: 'Sorry. I not taken la.'
Freak: 'Believe me, ok?'
Me: ' What I meant was that I am taken already.'
Freak: ' What is taken?'
Freak:' Taken what?'
Freak: 'You taken by what?'
Freak: 'So I cannot date you lo. Izit.'
Freak: 'So can I date you?'
Me: 'NO!!!'
Freak: 'Ooo... why?'
(you can imagine how I'm banging my head on the keyboard by now)
Freak: 'Cause you taken?'
Me: 'YES!!!!!'
Freak: 'Mean you taken by boy?'
Freak: '你被人拿了?'
Me: ' YES!!!!'
(Is it SO hard just to tell a damn lie if it meant saving yourself??)
Freak: 'So.. are we friends or not?'
Me: -faints- (well, almost)

Tell me, is every boy this clueless??
Is it so hard to dump/reject a boy??

I realise that I'm a total idiot.
People always say
"Your heart will tell you what to do."
So...
What happens when it doesn't?
Should we just wait for it to happen?
Some might say
"Grab every single chance you have."
What happens if you don't have any?
Another person will say
"Create your own chance."
So what happens if you can't do anything at all?
What will happen if you already hanging onto the tail of faith?
When you're just trying to let others see that you're struggling,
Yet, they somehow managed to see through all your hard work?
Can anyone tell me what will happen now?

I Don't Know, okay?

I'm sick of getting bossed around.
About what I wanna become.
I seriously DON'T KNOW, OKAY??!!
Yeah, I know, EVERYONE knows what they wanna become.
Except for me.
I was always the fairytale type.
There must be something cracked up in my mind.
But when you have a mother who tells you to be a dentist every 5 seconds of the day, there's bound to be something weird happening up in your head.
Dentist, dentist, dentist.
This very word goes through my mind far many more times than I've washed my socks.
I can't even think straight right now.
Dentist, singer, dentist, singer.