Scarred

I don't know what I should do right now.

You made me feel as if everything that went wrong was my fault.

When actually it wasn't.

I don't get why you're treating me like this.

You left me alone.

Waiting for you.

That Friday night.

Not answering my calls.

Not calling me back.

For the first time,

I admit.

I was really scared.

And no word can fully describe the relief I felt

as I saw that familiar car.

As I saw your face.

From which I could tell that you've been drinking.

The way back was in an awkward silence,

you sped on again.

My heart was probably racing at a hundred miles an hour.

As the lights and buildings whirled past me.

The fear was building up inside of me.

Fear of hitting another car.

Fear of being hit.

Fear of losing control.

Fear of losing everything I now have in my life.

You hurt me deeply.

Said that I wasn't willing to help.

When in fact, I didn't know how to help you.

I couldn't help.

Even if I wanted to.

Why do you have to put it in such a bad way?

I thought you were someone who'd give me comfort.

Someone who would never ever hurt me.

Guess I was a fool.

I'm not asking for an apology.

I don't need anymore lies.

But please

Don't hurt me anymore.

Stop the Pain.

I'm sorry I'm not pretty.

I'm sorry I'm not smart.

I'm sorry I'm not kind.

I'm sorry I'm not outgoing.

I'm sorry I can't do anything.

I'm sorry I just want to be myself.

I'm sorry I swear too much.

I'm sorry I can' be everything you want me to be.

Now, would you stop hurting me?

Profanities

I've never realised this but I think I may have a problem with profanities. I thought I could've stopped using them by replacing them with the word 'potato'. Guess not. My problem just got worse recently. I even swore in class yesterday. Though I think no one heard me.

Jeez.

I really need my diary.

Issues

It was a typical school day.I was all dragging my oh-so-out-of-energy body up to class, slamming my bag onto the chair, sitting down, and I was just about to lay my already heavy head onto my desk when something caught my eye. Something out of the ordinary. Something that stood out. Something white on the blackboard. But what caught my attention wasn't the colour. It was what it said.

"S4A Boo"

Heck. This wasn't the first time I've witnessed such a terrible thing, but the shock didn't decease. Why would anyone say or write or do something like that? It's not we're freaks or anything. I don't get why some people have to make others feel so unaccepted. Being in the first class doesn't mean that you're a nerd. You don't see me reading everywhere I go. Pfffttt. Whoever that person is, she'd succeeded in annoying me.

Anyway, back when I was in form two, there was also this one time when I overheard someone's conversation. Not on purpose, of course, but they were talking so loudly I bet everyone within ten feet could hear them. Well, we were in the auditorium, watching a movie or something, I think. And I just caught a few sentences here and there. But the most important one was:

"I've heard that the students of class A are weird. Except for xxx"

Okay. No need to point out who that "xxx" is. I guess the only person she knows who's from class A is "xxx". Well, who is she to judge who we are if she didn't even know us then? I don't mind my friends calling me weird but hey, I've never even seen her face before.

Jeez. Why do I even get myself all worked up for such a small matter?