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Monday, June 27, 2011

Merely a Fool

I guess I was a fool to have believed that things will turn out to be better. Or to have ever thought that I can actually be happy for once without fail. Maybe it's true that happiness never lasts? Even if it does, I don't think I still have enough faith to pull through now.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Checklist

Things I have to do before tuition at 8pm:


1. Wash my clothes.
2. Hang my clothes.
3. Wash all the plates, mugs and cutlery.
(as the insecticide is poisonous)
4. Feed the tortoises.
5. Mop the floor.
6. Replant Mum's plant.
7. Practice my scales.
8. Practice my piano exam pieces.
9. Practice the pieces for the school concert rehearsal on Tuesday.
10. Mend my broken ruler.
11. Remind all choir members to pass up their surat kebenaran.
12. Eat something.
13. Think of ideas for the NIE project.
14. Inform AJKs about the meeting on Friday.
15. Stop crying.

Emotional Breakdown

I knew today was meant to be a terribly wrong day for me when I nearly cried three times within those 20 minutes of the journey from home to school. I really don't know what's the matter with me. Maybe it's cause I haven't really cried for such a long time. ( Yeah right. )


So, a few who-knows-who-they-are from the health department (or so they say) came to my house yesterday, poked a few things around my house and decided that they were going to spray the whole block with insecticides. And trust me, it ain't pretty. And they had to leave the floor in such a oh-so-sticky condition.

Anyway, my mum asked my dad to buy her some fried noodles. So yeah, that doesn't sound like a problem to you, does it? But IT IS! It was 6.45 in the morning, for goodness' sake! Where on Earth are we gonna find fried noodles! Gosh. On the way out of the house, Grandma had to ask Dad to fetch her to the hospital, which made him even more frustrated than he was one minute ago. And all the way from the elevator to the car park to the market (where we were going to buy fried noodles but there wasn't any), Dad was grumbling about his busy life and practically just complaining about everything to me. Yeah. Welcome to Earth, Dad! After ranting for a quite a long while, Dad stopped. He asked me if there was anything I'd like to tell him. And right then, was the first time I felt like crying. I wanted to tell him everything. But I couldn't. How could I, after hearing all his complaints? I wouldn't wanna make his life more miserable.

Then, headed to Prima Tanjung just to find out the stall that sold fried noodles wasn't open yet. After that, to Pulau Tikus just to be disappointed again. But finally, near the Pulau Tikus market we found our savior! Due to parking problems I had to go down to buy it, but no big deal right? Bought it, got back into the car, thought we could've just drove off to the hospital to visit Mum, but no, I got scolded by my dad 'cause I forgot to take the chopsticks. For goodness' sake, she's staying in the hospital, there was to be a fork somewhere in there! And yeah, this was where I felt tears in my eyes for the second time.

The hospital was strangely crowded for 7.15am. We had to circle around for a while just to find a parking space. Dad was in his 'super speed' mode again. I could tell from the way he just walked and left me behind. Thanks a lot! Now I'm kinda grateful that I don't have to deal with him quite this often. Almost got lost in the wards as I couldn't catch up with him, like who can? Unless you're running! When I saw her, I wanted to cry so, sooooooooooo badly. I wanted to run into her arms , tell her that everything's not okay, that everything's just so effed-up. I wanted her to hug me and tell me everything's gonna be alright. But I couldn't. I couldn't bear to see her this weak and I knew it. I couldn't bear to trouble her. I wouldn't want her to be suffering more than she already is. And so, I didn't.

5 minutes passed too soon and we had to leave or else Dad will be late. I walked like a mad person, trying to catch up with Dad. The journey to my school from Adventist was short, as expected. I got out of the car and bid farewell, walked all the way to the hall to get my score, then off to Bilik Syarahan for Chinese Orchestra practice. I thought I was going to break apart. But as I saw my friends' faces, I couldn't. All I could think of was that I was truly lucky to be a part of something that was so, so beautiful.

Funny how friends and music can bring me to absolute peace. I guess that's why I enjoy every moment of my co-curricular activities. But that's something some will never understand, no matter how hard I try to make them realise that there is a bright side to every single thing. I love my life. Love how it makes me laugh. Love how it makes me cry. Love how it's completely insane sometimes.

I just wanna cherish every moment.
Live life to the fullest.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

A Trip to the Hospital

Was suppose to go to this drama competition ( which my school won! YAYYYY!!!!! ) on Sunday but then my mum was so sick that my dad and I had to fetch her to the hospital. And well, on and off fever ain't a small joke. I guess I should have seen it coming, with the backaches, vomiting, and especially the red dots on her body, but as you can see, I've never even suspected that my mum got the Dengue fever. Heck, it was a long day, but I guess as long as I was accompanying my mum it didn't really matter, though I would appreciate it if the emergency ward could be a little quieter. Sheesh. You'd think there's construction going on in there.


Anyway, without Mum in my life, everything's just SO different. And yeah, for the second time in my life, I had to iron my own clothes. ( Yeah. I know I'm spoiled. :P ) And wash the clothes. Then hang them. Then fold them. Then keep them. And change the tortoises' water. And take care of my mum's plant et cetera. Believe me, by the time that I was done with all the house chores, it was already midnight and I had to practice my piano for the chinese orchestra rehearsal on the next day. Geez. What happened to my holidays?

On the bright side, my mum's getting better now. At the very least, she can eat already. I'm terribly glad that things got better through these few days. Seriously, Mum, I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you. :)

Friday, June 3, 2011

Going Nuts

Gah.

I have no idea why I keep having this urge to blog every day.
Maybe it's a sign that I'm gonna go nuts sooner or later.
Well, better start writing before I become too insane to do so.
And yeah, you can stop reading here now,
Cause basically my rants don't really matter.

I used to really look forward to choir practice.
And I used to wish that the practice never ends.
But over these few years, things began to change.
I know, I know.
Time changes everything, as the saying goes.
Then again, there has to be a reason behind all of this.

I don't know.
After all these years, being teased as "the choir girl"...
I guess I didn't really care about it back then,
When I used to actually gain more than I give.
But I'm beginning to think that I DO care.
Is this all a part of growing up?
Well, if the answer to my question was yes,
Then sweet sixteen isn't so sweet after all.

Look.
I don't wanna waste my friggin' energy on you guys anymore.
I think I've reached my limit now.
Thanks for all your efforts guys.





I really need a vacation right now.