Thoughts

Alone. Alone again. I hate the feeling of being alone. Who doesn't, right? It's like everyone else around you either has something to do or they have other friends to talk to and you feel to ashamed to butt in. It's like the whole world is spinning around, moving at their own pace, changing, improving; but yet you stand there, staring into that empty space, your eyes somehow lifeless. You feel nothing at all.

School. I have no idea why I'm even going to that place where people are supposed to learn things. Now that PMR's all over and everybody's supposed to be all 'Yay! It's finally over!!' and stuff but I suppose all those 'Well, I guess we'll just do that after PMR.' 'contributed' to all of those things we have to face right now. And well, going to school seems more like a chore than ever. Like I said, I don't know why I'm going to school every day. Activities maybe? Well, duties then? Or perhaps friends? No, no and no. I go to school just to fill up my empty schedule. To make myself believe that I am still alive. That life is still worth living. That none of the lines from Shakespeare's Life's Brief Candle is true. Still, I seriously doubt that.

I guess to those who see me around in school, it all makes sense now. Why I'm always seen running around, perspiring like a person who's mad enough to run laps at noon. Why I keep myself occupied with those activities that I think will drive me crazy one day. Why I have to care so much about everything and anything that's considered a part of my life - even if it's just a tiny part of it. Why I can't just let go of everything I'm holding onto right now and run free. Free. Somehow, that word touches my soul. It makes me smile. It clears my mind. And just for a moment, I can fool myself that my life is quite pleasant after all.

Some people are actually envious of me. Being able to keep myself busy while they're so bored they're growing mushrooms but seriously dude, you won't think that way if you're me. It's like, you're forced to occupy yourself with those duties and stuff. Just so you won't feel so alone in class. Well, let me tell you, it ain't such a good feeling. In fact, it really sucks. And I hope none of you will ever, ever have the need to do what I'm doing now. It's pathetic. And I'm seriously ashamed of myself.

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade,

One BIG question,

How the potato am I supposed to make that lemonade

without the appropriate tools?