Emotional Breakdown

I knew today was meant to be a terribly wrong day for me when I nearly cried three times within those 20 minutes of the journey from home to school. I really don't know what's the matter with me. Maybe it's cause I haven't really cried for such a long time. ( Yeah right. )

So, a few who-knows-who-they-are from the health department (or so they say) came to my house yesterday, poked a few things around my house and decided that they were going to spray the whole block with insecticides. And trust me, it ain't pretty. And they had to leave the floor in such a oh-so-sticky condition.

Anyway, my mum asked my dad to buy her some fried noodles. So yeah, that doesn't sound like a problem to you, does it? But IT IS! It was 6.45 in the morning, for goodness' sake! Where on Earth are we gonna find fried noodles! Gosh. On the way out of the house, Grandma had to ask Dad to fetch her to the hospital, which made him even more frustrated than he was one minute ago. And all the way from the elevator to the car park to the market (where we were going to buy fried noodles but there wasn't any), Dad was grumbling about his busy life and practically just complaining about everything to me. Yeah. Welcome to Earth, Dad! After ranting for a quite a long while, Dad stopped. He asked me if there was anything I'd like to tell him. And right then, was the first time I felt like crying. I wanted to tell him everything. But I couldn't. How could I, after hearing all his complaints? I wouldn't wanna make his life more miserable.

Then, headed to Prima Tanjung just to find out the stall that sold fried noodles wasn't open yet. After that, to Pulau Tikus just to be disappointed again. But finally, near the Pulau Tikus market we found our savior! Due to parking problems I had to go down to buy it, but no big deal right? Bought it, got back into the car, thought we could've just drove off to the hospital to visit Mum, but no, I got scolded by my dad 'cause I forgot to take the chopsticks. For goodness' sake, she's staying in the hospital, there was to be a fork somewhere in there! And yeah, this was where I felt tears in my eyes for the second time.

The hospital was strangely crowded for 7.15am. We had to circle around for a while just to find a parking space. Dad was in his 'super speed' mode again. I could tell from the way he just walked and left me behind. Thanks a lot! Now I'm kinda grateful that I don't have to deal with him quite this often. Almost got lost in the wards as I couldn't catch up with him, like who can? Unless you're running! When I saw her, I wanted to cry so, sooooooooooo badly. I wanted to run into her arms , tell her that everything's not okay, that everything's just so effed-up. I wanted her to hug me and tell me everything's gonna be alright. But I couldn't. I couldn't bear to see her this weak and I knew it. I couldn't bear to trouble her. I wouldn't want her to be suffering more than she already is. And so, I didn't.

5 minutes passed too soon and we had to leave or else Dad will be late. I walked like a mad person, trying to catch up with Dad. The journey to my school from Adventist was short, as expected. I got out of the car and bid farewell, walked all the way to the hall to get my score, then off to Bilik Syarahan for Chinese Orchestra practice. I thought I was going to break apart. But as I saw my friends' faces, I couldn't. All I could think of was that I was truly lucky to be a part of something that was so, so beautiful.

Funny how friends and music can bring me to absolute peace. I guess that's why I enjoy every moment of my co-curricular activities. But that's something some will never understand, no matter how hard I try to make them realise that there is a bright side to every single thing. I love my life. Love how it makes me laugh. Love how it makes me cry. Love how it's completely insane sometimes.

I just wanna cherish every moment.

Live life to the fullest.