Water flooded over my head
As I released the tension entangled with my veins
As I slowly let the picture of you in my head fade away
As I closed my eyes and let my tears mix away with the seawater
Silently, I let the water took control of me
Drown me with all those depression and despair I carry inside

I tried my best to smile
As I let my imagination run wild
What if you did as I wished?
What if you had looked out for me?
What if you...
What if you realised that I can't be everything you want me to be?
That something's not right whenever you're not by my side?
That I'm sending out the signs but you're not receiving them?

But then, I know better
I know that all that I wished will happen will never happen
I know that you are untouchable, unreachable...
I know that that's everything you'll never ever see...

I'm just the messed-up part of your life
Just clinging to the memory of you

Why am I still hanging onto our memory
when I know you'd already moved on?

Nothing Can Describe

Nothing can describe the feeling that tugs at my heart
When your MSN icon turns green and yet we're not having a conversation.
When I stare at the phone for hours and yet there's no sign of your reply.
When I type sentences and yet all I get from you is an 'LOL'.
When I look at you and yet you're looking away.
When my eyes come across yours and see that they twinkle so brightly as you stare at her.
When I pick up the phone, wishing that it's you and yet it's not.
When I look back at all my songs and realize that they're all for you.
When I reread my diary and find that you left your name all over it.
When I finally gain enough courage to talk to you but then you went offline.
When I open my mouth to talk to you just to see you teasing her.
When I made a feeble lie and yet you believed me.

Should I feel happy that you trust me?
Or should I be sad because you can't see through my lies the way you used to?

I don't know what I should do.
And my heart's not telling me what to do.
I really, really, really wanna do something.
Even if I'm just a useless piece of crap.
I know you will never, ever, ever see this.
But, I just wanna say that
Every single song I wrote, I wrote it for you
Every single diary page I wasted, I wasted it for you
Every single peep I took as you walked away, I took it for you...

Maybe I'm just selfish.
I don't wanna let go of your so-called 'love' towards me.
Maybe I'm just a coward.
I dare not let go of you because I don't know what I would be without you.
I dare not lift my head up because I know that I would see you walking away from me.
I dare not look into your eyes because I know that I would see someone else inside them.
I dare not talk to you because I know that I would get hurt.
I dare not bump into you because I know that it is not me that you'd want to bump into.

I'm so damn useless.

I really am tired of pretending.
Pretending that I don't care about anything when that tiny little voice in my head - which by the way, is the coolest song ever - is probably screaming at the top of its lungs for me to stop.
Why do we have to pretend?
Pretending that we like something even though we hate it just to get into a conversation with someone so-called 'popular'.
I don't get it.
One moment you said something, the next you take it back.
One minute you said you'll do that, the next you do something the opposite.
That just complicates things.

29.May.2010: Choral Workshop

Before I bore you guys with my totally emotional and somehow senseless posts, here's a post which will be - for the first time ever - quite happy. (Emphasis on 'quite' , I didn't say 'all the way through').

So, MGS and our school's choir are gonna hold a choral performance tomorrow. And there's gonna be a choir from NUSS, which is a university in Singapore. Therefore, there was a workshop at our school hall just now from 2-5.30pm.

After running through a few songs, the Singaporeans arrived. And all we could see was people. Not only people, but old people. Bear in mind that all of us thought it was gonna be people of almost 20-year-or-so. Like, it's a university. Whatever. This proofs that the famous saying '活到老, 学到老' is actually true.

NUSS' choir's conductor was awesome. Not only was he the only one who's younger, looks younger, the tallest, conducts -duh-, but he could play the piano pretty good and sing as well. Not to mention that the finale song 'Wherever You Are' was actually written by him. =D And the way he conducts, oh man, you guys should have really, really seen it!!!! It's like totally different and yet we could all get what he meant. WEIRD.

Actually, the weirdest thing was that Li Fei said that Ming Ching, who's voice is way more girlish than mine, looked 'shuai'. Chew Ying even agreed. Oh gosh. I can't believe this. O.O

Chew Ying, as usual, was pretty down due to some 'choir issues' again. When I say 'choir issues', I'm referring to the fact that she thinks she's not good enough to be the conductor. Seriously, I don't get it. Why the heck do people who are great think that they suck??!! After being convinced quite a few times by me, she cheered up by about 1%.

The teacher told us suddenly that we had to perform 2 extra songs!!!!!! And tomorrow's the concert!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah. I believe we're Gods alright. Pulling up 2 songs with half an hour of practice today and another hour tomorrow. Great. And guess what. We got scolded because we were practicing for the 2 songs. Haha. (Sarcastic laugh, not an actual one)

It was quite fun actually. I like the feeling of having tenors and basses in the choir. I like getting to tease Ming Ching because of her girlish voice. I like the feeling of getting to lecture Chew Ying when she was emotional. Yeah. I know I'm evil. =)