I'm scared. Pathetic. But still scared.

Looking at that person staring right back at me

I really wonder if I'm really who I think I am

Or who other people think I am

Cause it's really funny how even I don't know myself

So, how can I be myself?

How can I trust myself??

I'm scared.

Pathetic.

But still scared.

Scared that I will mess things up.

And will never be able to put those pieces back together again.

I really wanna just dash out and grab your hand

But I wouldn't wanna startle you

I really wanna just tell you the truth

But I don't wanna ruin your life

I really wanna let you feel how you make me feel

But I wouldn't wanna force you to

I don't think I deserve you at all

Not even as a friend

You're just so out of my world

Out of my reach

And already almost out of my sight

I don't wanna mess you up.

I don't wanna make you feel as if you've done something wrong.

I don't wanna change anything.

I just wanna stay the way we are now.

I just wanna get to know you.

That's all I'm asking for.

Please.

=)

'Cause you'll never know how bad it feels

I can barely live a day without you

Don't know what I'd do

All I can is think about you

Cause you'll never know how bad it feels

You're the only thing that I'm addicted to

And if this is real

Well, baby I'm such a fool

To know how bad it feels

Yeah.

It's been quite some time since I've written a song.

And heck, I thought my talent was all used up.

But, who knew.

BTW, don't ask me why the lyrics are so sad.

Because it just came out that way.

I wish you knew how bad it feels.

You'll never see the way the corner of my lips goes up

Every time the thought that you'll never know that it's you I'm talking about

That it's you I'm always thinking about

Comes across my mind

Just to hide the fact that my tears are almost bursting out the edge of my eyes

That my lips are trembling

It's okay.

Knowing that you're happy makes me happy too.

Controlling people?? Me????

I know that I can't get everything under control.

To be honest, I'm already losing my grip.

Just a slight weakening of the muscles and it's the end for me.

With you guys, I have to be strict.

I have to put on a straight face all the time.

I don't want you all to take me as a joke.

And I don't give a damn if you wanna go and oh-so-childishly boycott me.

With you guys, I have to be friendly.

I have to wear a smile on my lips.

Sort of, 'ordering' you guys by still using a warm tone.

But sometimes, I still can't get you all to do the things I want you all to do.

With you guys, I have to act like I don't care.

And try to cover for you guys when you were having forty winks in class.

But, I still don't get why I'm always the last one to know something.

With you guys, I have to be superwoman.

Going solo probably 24/7.

With you guys, I have to be happy.

'Cause I don't wanna ruin your mood.

With you, I have to ignore the way your eyes shine.

Trying my best to stop the door of my memories from opening.

With you, I have to be optimistic.

'She doesn't know how to control her own pressure.' someone said.

Yeah. But is it really my duty to cheer you up every time you have one of your mood swings?

But with you, I just have to be myself.

You shine.

Even brighter than the Sun.

Always so rife with energy.

You make me so happy, just by being yourself.

Thank you. =)

Confused

How can it be wrong to do something you love doing?

How can you ask me to ignore those feelings that bundles up in my heart??

How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

I don't get it.

So what if you think that I'm better at academics?

Like that changes anything.

I don't wanna become a dentist. -No offence for those who actually do-

Why can't you accept the fact that I don't wanna be who you want me to be?

Yes, I know, money makes the world go round and all but...

Isn't happiness important as well??

I don't wanna die rich but miserable.

You didn't even give me a chance to explain.

You just questioned everything that I believed in.

Do you feel happy?

Shattering other people's dreams??

I don't need your blessings.

Just quit stopping me from believing.

The moment when your heart pumps blood through your blood vessels faster than a roller coaster cart, when you feel like there's a light shining through you, when you see your own reflection in the eyes of others... That's the moment I'm waiting for.